Where is it????

I pray to God to hear all our thoughts and prayers and I know that He loves us. I sometimes wonder why we go through things in our life. The roller coaster can be tough and it can be hard on your life. I'm praying to God that He really hears me. The deep prayers that has not been said out loud, but within me. Keep me near the cross. Where is the faith I have had for so many years? It is scary.....walking on the water. Just scary. My heart pounds every time it come across my mind and they say just don't think about it. How you not think about it!!!! God is in control this I know! It is hard to believe that things will change. We will have to and I know God will show up for us!!! I'm awaiting. So what is scary??? The fact of the next step. Walking on the faith I have left! So where is it??? I don't know, but I need to find it.