When the wind blows

The gift is a blessing and many take it for granted. I never thought I would be in a place of not knowing or not understanding. I ask God why. I know we shouldn't ask but I am trying to figure out am I being punish. I am a woman of faith and have been for a long time. That is how I stood for my husband. 5 years for him. I never thought the one gift I desire so heavily, has been the challenge of my life. The faith of a wife is not an easy gift, but I'm holding on to it as much as I can. Faith is not as we think it. It is where we really have to know what we want and what we desire. The bible states that when we take delight in the Lord He will give us the desire of our hearts. So I'm standing on my faithful heart. The heart that stands and my heart that hurts. It is my heart that feel like it has been hit in the chest with thousands of bolts of lighten, but I can't afford to move with the wind. The wind is blowing extra hard right now and even though I'm a hard tree rooted in the ground of the Lord, I'm still trying not to move. Not easy, but I'm trying. I smile because God is good and yes deep down my deepness is hurting, but I keep pressing. I press and push. I am in that season. Season of conception! Praise God because His word will come to pass. The blessing is on its way. Thank you God.